Today is my 12th day in the hospital. Jake brought the kids to see me. They always lighten my mood and make me smile. I feel complete with them here but it makes my heart long to be with them in our home. When it was time to leave Addy cried and held out her arms for me to hold her. Part of me spirit slumped knowing she was sad and part of it lifted knowing she missed me. I have prayed and hoped that my beautiful children will survive this time apart. Survive and thrive through it and yet I long for them to need me. I miss them so much while I sit here alone. I think about what they are eating for lunch or hope they are getting their naps. Hoping things are getting done for them that only I know about them, like how Addy loved oranges and could eat them all day or how Frank with take a nap if you lay down with him and play with his hair. These are the mommy moments I'm sitting here longing for. Wishing I could snuggle them whenever I want. I am blessed that I have family. Family that are supportive and capable. They fill in the holes I'm sure I've left. They love my children and I know that while I'm away their arms are open and loving. Their homes are welcoming and loving. I am now 29 weeks and 3 days so we are making progress and each day with us together is one less day I will have to spend away from my precious baby while he stays in the NICU so for now I'll take the terrible T.V. then poor excuse for food and the loneliness I feel to know that my baby is safe and growing.
I am thankful for the prayers I feel and the support we have received.
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These are very touching posts and I promise you'll be glad you have them. I have cried many times when I think of what you might be feeling and I just know that everything will be wonderful. Even though it doesn't seem that it will end soon (It didn't for me) It will eventually feel like a distant memory. I was surprised in fact that it became just a memory so quickly.
ReplyDeleteLuv you Julie! So sorry you have to spend this time away from your kiddos. Very glad that you still have that baby inside you, though. Bittersweet. WE know how it is to have a loved one in the hospital and the void is definitely felt on both sides. God will continue to strengthen you all. Luv ya lots!!
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