Rough Day

Today was a rough day! Like a cry in the tub with a small bowl of ice cream kinda day.  You think I'm kidding? I'm not, unfortunately! I'm missing home today and feeling vulnerable.  I think I'm getting sick so that makes me more miserable.  I really am trying to keep it all together.  I wanna be strong and take this in stride and become what my Heavenly Father wants me to be but IT'S HARD.  Pushing yourself into trials is difficult and trying to find the bright side of things is near impossible sometimes.  Today I'm sad and hopefully tomorrow I'm happy.  I'm gonna try to be! Jake starts classes tomorrow and I can tell his is nervous and excited which makes me happy.  I love watching him jump into things full force.  He is so clever! Illinois will grow on me, right?  I'll be happy right?  I'll enjoy this adventure, right?  Tomorrow! Tomorrow I'll see the brighter side of things. Today I'll go to bed early.

Chicago Children's Museum

My wonderful friend Lindsey Judd has been living in Chicago for the past year and having a friend so close made it essential that we make a trip into the CITY! 

We decided on the Navy Pier Children's Museum.  It was awesome! Lots of room and fun for all the kids. It was hard to get around will all 7 kids but it was worth it.

I loved driving into the city and I was so excited to show the kids the city.  They were excited by the trains that were everywhere and they thought the water (lake Michigan) looked awesome. Jake didn't get to come with us this time but it was nice to get out and see some parts of our new home. 

Here is Addy, April (Lindsey's) and Frank getting ready for the water room.  It was probably Addy's favorite part of the museum. Frank loved the ropes that you can climb from floor 2 to floor 3. I was terrified for him to do it but he was great. It was a good reminder that I can back off and let him be a kid sometimes!

Addy's new haircut was great for the water world! She looked so cute all day! 

 She also got to build in the tinker room.  This may be one of my favorite looks for Addy.  The most interesting part of the day was when I drove home and realized I felt relived when I reach DeKalb County.  I was relieved cause I was home.  I was amazed that I felt that way and it was nice to know that my spirit and mind are starting to settle here.  Happy hearts today and lots of fun times with friends.  I am looking forward to going with Jake into the city and watching theater and exploring such a great city.  We won't have a lot of time for that but we do want to make it a priority.  Jake needs to do some networking in the city so I'm sure we will be there some.  Thankful for days like today! 

GROWING!

Happy Birthday my Sweet BABY!

                                 LOUIE

Today is a very special day! It's my Louie Moss Suazos birthday! I seriously can't believe it has been a year since my special surprise came into my life.  Having Louie so early was extremely difficult. I remember feeling lonely and helpless but I also remember all of the amazing people that surrounded me with support and help me to float through the month long NICU stay and the incredibly hospital stay for me.  I am grateful for everyone that helped us through.

Dearest Louie,

    You might not have any idea but you are absolutely the most incredibly thing I have ever made. Yes, I know you have a brother and a sister that are incredibly awesome but you, my dear, are a fighter.  Your tiny body came into this world so much earlier then it should have and you fought from the moment you came out.  You have always been so sweet and you clearly prefer your mommy which makes me melt! You are beautiful and tender.  You are smart and silly.  You love to talk and you just started crawling the right way (you've been army crawling for a couple months.)  I've known you for eternity and I knew that was true when I first laid eyes on you.  I have never had my motherly instincts so aware and focused.  I knew what you needed and I wanted to protect you from all the troubles your entrance into the world might have held for you.  You, my son, are beauty and sweetness.  I could cuddle you forever and squeeze your checks all day.  I am so incredibly thankful to my Heavenly Father that he chose YOU for ME! You are perfect! Such love! (P.S. thanks for sleeping thorough the night! That's pretty great!)

P.S. Picture up above is Louie's fake bday cake that we let him dig into the day before we left Utah.  It was nice to have my family their even if it wasn't actually his birthday.

Illinois Just Gained a Point!

Today our neighbor gave frank a bike! 

HE IS IN LOVE! 

We haven't had a place where Frank could ride a bike so we haven't upgraded him to a two wheeler.  Illinois is beautiful and we finally have enough space in our front yard and the road 

that he can ride the bike safely.

 This is Jake adjusting the seat so it would fit him just right. Frank has been walking the bike around everywhere since he can't actually ride a two wheeler.  He has gotten frustrated because he can't ride right away.

Jake decided to show frank how to do it.  I loved seeing them both on the bike and trying to figure it all out together!
Illinois for the win today! I am happy my kids are adjusting so well. In fact they are in HEAVEN! They get to be outside all day and they have lots of kids right next door to play with.  I know Heavenly Father is blessing us because we are trying to do what he would want us to do. So you aren't Utah but you are growing on my one bike ride at a time! ILLINOIS!

Oh P.S. We went and saw campus today! Jake has his own OFFICE! The campus is huge and it was great to get to see where Jake will be working and going to class.  He was so excited and he has to write his own syllabus for the class he will be teaching.  

HyVee = Harmons

I know it's only been like a week since we got here but I'M HOMESICK! I want to go somewhere I know. Somewhere that feels comfortable.  I walked into HyVee (grocery store) in Sycamore and immediately got a lump in my throat.  I tried to gulp it down and did pretty well. I didn't want to look like the insane lady sobbing as she tried to decide between apricots or peaches! HyVee reminded me of Harmons! Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard?  It's hard being a grown up and making strong decisions that change your life so completely.  Jake starts school next week and this life will just get more insane. I'm so incredibly proud of him an everything he has accomplished to prepare for Graduate School.  So I'll just swallow the overwhelming sadness for now and try to put my house together and make it feel like a home.

Sycamore

                   

                                                               WE ARE HERE!

We arrived in Sycamore yesterday.  It's the most surreal experience of my life.  I am emotionally spent after all the goodbyes I've had this week.  The last goodbye was tonight when I dropped my parents off at the airport.  I'm sitting in my new apartment, my kids are sleeping upstairs and life is just like it was EXCEPT I'm 1000 miles away from everything I know and all the people I care about.  I am looking forward to this all being my normal because right now it all feels foreign, new, not mine.  Our neighborhood here is amazing and small and beautiful.  The experience has been promised to be a "fun adventure" so I am trying to open my heart and my eyes and explore this opportunity.  So here I am in a new place with new people and trying to maintain my composure.  Pray for us all and watch me take on this New Adventure!
Wait...did I mention that Jake was accepted to grad school in Illinois?  Well he was and he we are all here for him to go to school for the next three years.  He will be studying acting! He is very excited and we are excited to watch him grow and change during this amazing experience.

Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is a big day people! Tomorrow is the first Sunday where I have my own offspring up on the stand singing directly to me!
I know that Christmas times comes with some lovely music on sundays and I really enjoys the fourth of July when we sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic during sacrament but there are few things that bring outrageous amount of tears to my eyes like primary children singing to their mothers.
The innocence, the love the sense that they are totally unaware of how much their sweet voices and words actually mean to the their moms!
I asked Frank if he was excited to sing to me on Sunday and he looked at me confused and brushed off the question without a response.  It might mean nothing to him just yet (he's 4 remember) but my heart has been yearning for this day! I have wanted to see my own child up on the stand since I was a young girl and could feel the spirit fill the chapel with love for what I believe is one of God's most special jobs!
Being a Mom is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it's so difficult because the amount of selflessness you have to have is unmeasurable. Frank beat the selfishness right out of me.  I could no longer choose when or how to sleep.  I couldn't even choose when to go to the bathroom.  It was incredibly hard for me at first. So hard I wasn't sure I could do it.  It's four years later and 2 more children have been added to the mix and I have to tell you IT JUST GETS BETTER!  When I let go of myself I find my place as mother. It's difficult to maintain and sometimes I give up and check out but I am finding that the happiest place is at the bottom of a kid pile! Wrapped in the arms of my amazing children.  Night time when Frank wakes up crying and I pray his fears away and kiss his tears.  When Addy tells me a silly story and we laugh out loud together for minutes.  When Louie does just about anything! These moments are fleeting.  Days melt into years and I hope to settle into the moment more and stop wishing for bedtime. I want to focus on the moments before they are memories.  I am excited for tomorrow and looking forward to the tears that will be shed! Finally a Primary Age baby to sing to his mommy! I am so lucky!