Happy Birthday my Sweet BABY!

                                 LOUIE

Today is a very special day! It's my Louie Moss Suazos birthday! I seriously can't believe it has been a year since my special surprise came into my life.  Having Louie so early was extremely difficult. I remember feeling lonely and helpless but I also remember all of the amazing people that surrounded me with support and help me to float through the month long NICU stay and the incredibly hospital stay for me.  I am grateful for everyone that helped us through.

Dearest Louie,

    You might not have any idea but you are absolutely the most incredibly thing I have ever made. Yes, I know you have a brother and a sister that are incredibly awesome but you, my dear, are a fighter.  Your tiny body came into this world so much earlier then it should have and you fought from the moment you came out.  You have always been so sweet and you clearly prefer your mommy which makes me melt! You are beautiful and tender.  You are smart and silly.  You love to talk and you just started crawling the right way (you've been army crawling for a couple months.)  I've known you for eternity and I knew that was true when I first laid eyes on you.  I have never had my motherly instincts so aware and focused.  I knew what you needed and I wanted to protect you from all the troubles your entrance into the world might have held for you.  You, my son, are beauty and sweetness.  I could cuddle you forever and squeeze your checks all day.  I am so incredibly thankful to my Heavenly Father that he chose YOU for ME! You are perfect! Such love! (P.S. thanks for sleeping thorough the night! That's pretty great!)

P.S. Picture up above is Louie's fake bday cake that we let him dig into the day before we left Utah.  It was nice to have my family their even if it wasn't actually his birthday.

Illinois Just Gained a Point!

Today our neighbor gave frank a bike! 

HE IS IN LOVE! 

We haven't had a place where Frank could ride a bike so we haven't upgraded him to a two wheeler.  Illinois is beautiful and we finally have enough space in our front yard and the road 

that he can ride the bike safely.

 This is Jake adjusting the seat so it would fit him just right. Frank has been walking the bike around everywhere since he can't actually ride a two wheeler.  He has gotten frustrated because he can't ride right away.

Jake decided to show frank how to do it.  I loved seeing them both on the bike and trying to figure it all out together!
Illinois for the win today! I am happy my kids are adjusting so well. In fact they are in HEAVEN! They get to be outside all day and they have lots of kids right next door to play with.  I know Heavenly Father is blessing us because we are trying to do what he would want us to do. So you aren't Utah but you are growing on my one bike ride at a time! ILLINOIS!

Oh P.S. We went and saw campus today! Jake has his own OFFICE! The campus is huge and it was great to get to see where Jake will be working and going to class.  He was so excited and he has to write his own syllabus for the class he will be teaching.  

HyVee = Harmons

I know it's only been like a week since we got here but I'M HOMESICK! I want to go somewhere I know. Somewhere that feels comfortable.  I walked into HyVee (grocery store) in Sycamore and immediately got a lump in my throat.  I tried to gulp it down and did pretty well. I didn't want to look like the insane lady sobbing as she tried to decide between apricots or peaches! HyVee reminded me of Harmons! Isn't that the stupidest thing you've ever heard?  It's hard being a grown up and making strong decisions that change your life so completely.  Jake starts school next week and this life will just get more insane. I'm so incredibly proud of him an everything he has accomplished to prepare for Graduate School.  So I'll just swallow the overwhelming sadness for now and try to put my house together and make it feel like a home.

Sycamore

                   

                                                               WE ARE HERE!

We arrived in Sycamore yesterday.  It's the most surreal experience of my life.  I am emotionally spent after all the goodbyes I've had this week.  The last goodbye was tonight when I dropped my parents off at the airport.  I'm sitting in my new apartment, my kids are sleeping upstairs and life is just like it was EXCEPT I'm 1000 miles away from everything I know and all the people I care about.  I am looking forward to this all being my normal because right now it all feels foreign, new, not mine.  Our neighborhood here is amazing and small and beautiful.  The experience has been promised to be a "fun adventure" so I am trying to open my heart and my eyes and explore this opportunity.  So here I am in a new place with new people and trying to maintain my composure.  Pray for us all and watch me take on this New Adventure!
Wait...did I mention that Jake was accepted to grad school in Illinois?  Well he was and he we are all here for him to go to school for the next three years.  He will be studying acting! He is very excited and we are excited to watch him grow and change during this amazing experience.

Mother's Day!

Tomorrow is a big day people! Tomorrow is the first Sunday where I have my own offspring up on the stand singing directly to me!
I know that Christmas times comes with some lovely music on sundays and I really enjoys the fourth of July when we sing the Battle Hymn of the Republic during sacrament but there are few things that bring outrageous amount of tears to my eyes like primary children singing to their mothers.
The innocence, the love the sense that they are totally unaware of how much their sweet voices and words actually mean to the their moms!
I asked Frank if he was excited to sing to me on Sunday and he looked at me confused and brushed off the question without a response.  It might mean nothing to him just yet (he's 4 remember) but my heart has been yearning for this day! I have wanted to see my own child up on the stand since I was a young girl and could feel the spirit fill the chapel with love for what I believe is one of God's most special jobs!
Being a Mom is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. I think it's so difficult because the amount of selflessness you have to have is unmeasurable. Frank beat the selfishness right out of me.  I could no longer choose when or how to sleep.  I couldn't even choose when to go to the bathroom.  It was incredibly hard for me at first. So hard I wasn't sure I could do it.  It's four years later and 2 more children have been added to the mix and I have to tell you IT JUST GETS BETTER!  When I let go of myself I find my place as mother. It's difficult to maintain and sometimes I give up and check out but I am finding that the happiest place is at the bottom of a kid pile! Wrapped in the arms of my amazing children.  Night time when Frank wakes up crying and I pray his fears away and kiss his tears.  When Addy tells me a silly story and we laugh out loud together for minutes.  When Louie does just about anything! These moments are fleeting.  Days melt into years and I hope to settle into the moment more and stop wishing for bedtime. I want to focus on the moments before they are memories.  I am excited for tomorrow and looking forward to the tears that will be shed! Finally a Primary Age baby to sing to his mommy! I am so lucky!

Louie's Beautiful Blessing

Louie's Blessing

We decided this time around to bless Baby Louie at home.  We didn't want to take him to church and risk him getting sick.  I have to say it was beautiful! So nice to just have our family around us and give our baby a name and a blessing.  It was nice because I was able to properly thank all of the people that matter most to us and let them know how much their service through out this whole ordeal has been priceless.  Jake did an amazing job with the blessing his words were so sweet and sincere and just right for our little Louie.

Louie is doing amazing! He is 3 months old already! I can hardly believe it! He is getting big too he is 10 lbs now and all his 0-3 months clothes finally fit him.  He is starting to smile when we talk to him. He is incredibly cuddly and we all love to snuggle him all day long.  I'm sure before I know it he will be a big kid and acting like his older brother.  I am looking forward to watching him grow! Love you my little Louie bug.

Grandpa and Grandma Mortimer

Grandpa and Grandma Suazo

Lou and Louie Suazo

Doyle Moss and Louie Moss

Holi Moli

Franklin started preschool but you knew that already.  His teacher is wonderful and he really loves going.  Miss Sue has a board with some apples (paper cut out apples) on it and if you aren't listening, biting, saying bad words or overall just being a bad kid you get an apple taken away.  Frank has been to preschool about 10 times and lost ALMOST all of his apple at least 5 times.  This, people, gives me ANXIETY! It also moves Franklin to tears! I don't know how to fix the problem or help him more to understand that he has to listen when the teacher asked him to do something and he can't say BAD WORDS! Oh yes one day on his apple paper was written saying bad words!  Don't worry I checked with Miss Sue and the bad words weren't any of the ones you are thinking right now in your head.  Mostly it was NO, I don't want to and other crappy stuff like that. 
Why as parents to we take this stuff so personally.  When Franklin loses an apple I take it as a direct reflection on my parenting but the truth is he's a kid and he's learning. This is the first classroom Frank has been in the first teacher he has had to listen to.  I'm glad he has somewhere to go and learn amazing things from a super nice teacher but this apple buisness is killing me!

I'm sure your all thinking hmmmm looks like the Apple doesn't fall far from the tree and you'd be RIGHT!

This is Frank at McDonalds after coming home with all his apples still on the tree! Did you know you could get fancy face painting at MICKEY D's? Well you can!

Addy as a beautiful butterfly!  She always keeps her apple but that is only cause she doesn't go to preschool.  I'm pretty sure if she did she would be appleless this girl is a handful! Also she is grace!

Love you Frank and Addy