Penelope Party!

Here's the deal,  about a year ago I had this idea for a blog and never followed it all the way through.  I want to finally do it and I wanted to know what you guys think of the concept?  Here is the first blog entry I put together and never posted.  I currently have 3 blog entries so I'll post them and see what you think.  

(P.S. I was going to use fake names)

Penelope Here! 

January 15th 2009 was the beginning of a new me.  Through out my life I had changed and grown in different ways but nothing prepared me for the ultimate life change of becoming a MOM! Fritz entered this world and flipped me upside down and inside out.  I was overjoyed and terribly sad.  My emotions weren't my own, I was controlled by hormones and leaking breast.  Everything this tiny human needed was my responabilty.  You’d think I would have learned my lesson but less then 20 months later Annabell joined the team against mom.  Now I was a mother and by choice a STAY AT HOME MOM!  The supreme love I have for my children has somewhat overshadowed  my intense need to be me again, the desire to be me is lingering and wanting to be feed.  With the nagging in my brain unsilenced I have chosen to devote some time to creating a new me. One that feels complete and because of that is the best mom ever.  In high school I had religion and family that defined me. In College there was theatre and friends, the single life.  Now I am mom, Mom by definition is so very unselfish that for some people you are simple a mirror reflecting everyone else and everyone elses dreams.  For me I want to be filled so that I am more for my family.  This Blog is not to be confused.  I DO want to be a MOM, I dearly love my husband and children.  I love the day to day grind of motherhood and I will eternally feel that the sacrafices I have made for my children is the ultimate blessing I could receive.  My hope is to be more filled so I can give more. 

              Were to begin?

              Examples: I have deicded to review some examples of motherhood and womanhood that I admire.  In my hopes and dreams I would be Oprah.  Spreading my wealth of awesomeness to all woman who need filling but I’m not Oprah I’m just me. So just me has to be good enough.  My ultimate goal with this blog is to  reach out and find programs and adventures for moms. Ways for woman to reconnect with themselves and create a person they are proud to be.

Some of my Ideas:

Cooking Class

Painting Class

Diet and Excersize

Water intake

Girls nights

Book clubs

Service

Shopping

Running

Scrapbooking

Crafting

Reading

Swimming

Juice cleanse

No sugar

Writing a childrens book

Reviewing theatre

Taking voice lessons

Taking improv classes

Girls night

Massage and spas

Support groups

Anything I forgot?  Anything else you'd love my opinion on?  What do you want me to see or do? Tell me what you think!

Love emails

2 Years ago I decided I wanted to email love letters back and forth between Jake and I. Turns out it was an utter fail! It seems that Jake is not super great at writing back to me so I think now it's time to publish these love letters.  

12/3/10

Jacob Ben,

        Hello my love! So I am sitting here at 1:37 in the morning and I was just caught up reading old OLD emails between an old friend and myself.  Honey, I LOVED reading them, it was like a timeline of like 4 years.  I remembered things I had written and was blown away from where I had been to where I was at the end of the letters.  The letters were from 03 to 07, isn't that incredible? Jacob I love you so much and I feel like I want to share more of myself with you. How I am feeling and where I am in my thought from day to day. I thought this might be an awesome way for us to connect to each other.  I know it takes you a long time to write on the computer but I would just think it was the greatest thing if you tried this for me.  I am feeling so emotional right now.  The letters I was reading were between my friend Henry and me.  I realized in reading those emails that I had a false reality of Henry and of our relationship. Henry made me feel so good about myself but not because he was anything special, mostly because he was so different from me that I was constantly trying to better myself.  I loved who I was becoming through our friendship, I loved when I felt so motivated to be more then I am.  I feel that way with you too! Jacob, my love, I want to write you a love letter, ! want you to know how incredibly in love with you I am.  I love your laughter and your smile. I love how amazing you are at being a father to the two most incredible children on this planet! I love your back and your arms and your hair and your eyes well just your whole body! When you kiss me I feel complete! I know you were who I was suppose to spend the rest of eternity with.  I melted when I look at you across the altar.  I knew my Heavenly Father loved me cause otherwise he wouldn't have given me you.  Right now in my life I feel happy, sure there are moments of frustration or whatever but truly, I feel happy.  It felt good to go to enrichment tonight and be around women.  I love the relationships that are built among women, they make you whole.  Do you know what I wish?  I wish I could paint, I have always wanted to but I have NOOOOO talent in that area.  I wish I could be crafty and artsy but I'm just me, hopefully my kids will enjoy their terribly crafted Halloween costumes.  I used to be worried that I would be a terrible mother but the truth is.....I think I'm pretty good! I won't just tell anyone that I just wanted to tell you.  I also think I made two of the most incredible people ever to have graced this planet.  Some people leave giant wholes when they leave this Earth that is easily YOU and our BABIES! People will weep and know you have left! Jake please write me back and tell me things. Anything.  Next time I'll ask you things and you can answer them but for now I want to just hear from you! Also ask me somethings ANYTHING.  I love you, my man, my sweet sweet man! 

      Julie Jean Suazo  

From Jake

I love you soooo much. You are the perfect wife. I am so happy that you decided to do this with me and I know some times its hard especially for you, having to take care of the little humans all the time, but they are lucky to have you as a mom and I am lucky to have you as a wife. I cant wait to have time just for us two. I know we have had that kind of down time in the past, but this time I mean to take advantage of it. Thank you for supporting me through this crappy time in our lives, It will soooooon be OVER!!!  And then on to fun forever! At least I think so.


What a guy right! These emails easily define the differences between men and women! Mine is long winded and sappy Jake is to the point and yet still powerful and loving.  It makes me laugh....just wait for the rest of the installments it gets pretty funny! 

Diva!

I'm not sure you've heard but I'm in the hospital for 100 years! Oh, you have heard? Great!

Here's the thing sitting around all day and demanding water and juice from your nurses could really go to some girls heads. Not this girl, I'm really grounded and very grateful to all the wonderful women that have been serving me here at Utah Valley. However I do like my water with tiny crushed ice and I do like it to be filled and refilled in a timely manner :) (kidding of course) 

Today my Aunt came into my hospital room and may have created the ultimate DIVA experience.  She cut and colored my hair right in my hospital room!! Can you believe that?  Man a girl could get used to this (almost).  

I feel refreshed and renewed and also a little more famous! 

I mean you have to be famous for hair dressers to come to you right? Yeah! I'm famous! Or at least I am loved by some really amazing people.  I can't believe all the wonderful gifts and service I have received from so many incredible people.  I FEEL FAMOUS and incredibly loved.

Wanna see the new color?  Ok fine here you go!

OH hey famous lady! 

YOU WIN!

Back when all the ladies got a kiss on the MOUTH from the host! TOO MUCH!

Yesterday I started watching GSN for those of you not in the loop that stands for The Game Show Network! That's right people I'm watching the seniors channel.  It's amazing how pompous you become when your not the actual person who is on the show and is answering the questions, spinning the wheel or dating the weirdo.  I'll answer the question and then shake my head at the answer given by the true competitor, thinking WOW that person if stupid of course the answer is BATHROOM.....but.....guess what the answer wasn't bathroom, not even close. It doesn't matter of course I wasn't really playing for the money but my pride take a tiny little hit every time I can't answer a pretty easy question.  Sometimes I just pretend I was right.  I'll say in my head or out loud "Um, no I'm pretty sure the answer is Bathroom but whatever." This amount of delusion is difficult to maintain but well worth the time.
Please keep this is mind if you too decide to take up a GSN addiction. Also I'm not sure it's a good idea to take up a GSN addiction unless you have a lot of free time like at least 23 hours of free time, otherwise people might say your a loser or really really old! Just saying!

Date Night

Tuesday night Jake and I planned a "date night."  Jake dropped the kids off and brought over a movie and cafe rio.  My handsome husband arrived at the hospital to find me, his wife, dressed to kill. Of course by "to kill"  I mean in a giraffe print MuMU! That's right ladies and gentlemen, I'm rocking the MumU now and I don't care who knows it! These giant tents of fabric as just about the most comfortable thing you've ever hung off your bones! I'm trying to justify more times and places in my life when this fabric sack would be appropriate or even times I can just get away with it.

These are my "bedroom" eyes! 

I had taken time to put on makeup and I curled my hair before he came which was a huge difference from my bed head hair.  

Jake grabbed a wheelchair and we were on our way.  Wait, did I forget to mention that I'm only allowed to leave my room for 1/2 hour a day and I must be in a wheelchair!! That's right.   The first time we ventured out I felt like everyone was staring at me.  How weird is it to see a person in a wheelchair in a hospital? That shouldn't be a huge surprise but it was really throwing some people off.  This particular night I was getting a whole new set of stares.  I mean come on I was wear a large animal print tent had makeup all over my face and curly hair while riding in my wheelchair.  I was looking better then those girls on Toddler in Tiaras! Regardless of how many stares I decided it was worth it to see Jakes face.  To watch him look and me and think Wow she looks amazing.  We enjoyed our cafe rio and then wheeled up to my prison (room) and sat next to each other holding hands and watching Nacho Libre.

This date night was just what the doctor ordered (even though he didn't order it.) I felt revived and had a new touch of fight to complete these next four weeks.  

Just so you all know the kiss goodnight was one of the best! I miss that man so much and want to sleep in our bed next to him so much.  I can't wait for us to go on a date night somewhere amazing and have this all be a distant memory.

It's sad really!

Disappointment is something we all deal with over and over throughout our lives.  Remember the anticipation of the perfect birthday present that ended up being bathroom towels or your very first date that ended up being a great hang out with a good friend, (not even a kiss goodnight.)  I know there has been substantial moments of disappointment in my life. Some of those moments I'm sure were life changing.  The ones where you never approach your life in quite the same way because you are hoping to avoid ever having to feel like that again.  Right now for me while I'm lying in the hospital and waiting for the arrival of my sweet baby I am hopelessly disappointed in DAYTIME TELEVISION.  
So I get it, it's no denial to the college of your dreams or loosing the big game but come on people I'l being held hostage in a hospital room 24 hours a day and NO ONE has some decent television?  The basic channels are nothing but news the cable channels are full of rift raff and garbage TV.  I'm telling you people this TV is in serious need of a revamp.
I potentially have 4 more weeks in here and I'm gonna go bat crazy if i have to watch one more hour containing wedding dresses, house renovation or crime shows about crazy murders (however those shows have educated me on how to get away with murder!)
Thank fully I have my blog to update and some smutty magazines sent to me by angels.  I'll just flip that TV off and indulge in those gifts for now.

Facebook again?

Do you know what bored looks like?  I do! Bored is when you wait with anticipation for taking a shower. Bored is choosing bizarre items off the room service menu just so it spices up your afternoon.  Bored is when you enjoy calling room service cause it means you get to talk to a real human for a few seconds. Bored is when you finish an entire cross words puzzle book....and feel accomplished (yikes). Bored is me right now in  this hospital bed watching all the cars driving on the rode outside wondering where they are going in such a hurry.  I have found TIME something we all feel is so out of our reach.  I have time, LOTS of time and know what it sorta SUCK lol.  I'm blessed to have modern medicine and also hours and hours of technology at my fingertips.  P.S. I am 29 weeks and 4 days.  Baby Louie looks amazing on all the NST (non-stress tests) they do and so this momma gets to sit here and continue to be bored, which of course is a blessing, (just a really boring blessing)