It's sad really!

Disappointment is something we all deal with over and over throughout our lives.  Remember the anticipation of the perfect birthday present that ended up being bathroom towels or your very first date that ended up being a great hang out with a good friend, (not even a kiss goodnight.)  I know there has been substantial moments of disappointment in my life. Some of those moments I'm sure were life changing.  The ones where you never approach your life in quite the same way because you are hoping to avoid ever having to feel like that again.  Right now for me while I'm lying in the hospital and waiting for the arrival of my sweet baby I am hopelessly disappointed in DAYTIME TELEVISION.  
So I get it, it's no denial to the college of your dreams or loosing the big game but come on people I'l being held hostage in a hospital room 24 hours a day and NO ONE has some decent television?  The basic channels are nothing but news the cable channels are full of rift raff and garbage TV.  I'm telling you people this TV is in serious need of a revamp.
I potentially have 4 more weeks in here and I'm gonna go bat crazy if i have to watch one more hour containing wedding dresses, house renovation or crime shows about crazy murders (however those shows have educated me on how to get away with murder!)
Thank fully I have my blog to update and some smutty magazines sent to me by angels.  I'll just flip that TV off and indulge in those gifts for now.

Facebook again?

Do you know what bored looks like?  I do! Bored is when you wait with anticipation for taking a shower. Bored is choosing bizarre items off the room service menu just so it spices up your afternoon.  Bored is when you enjoy calling room service cause it means you get to talk to a real human for a few seconds. Bored is when you finish an entire cross words puzzle book....and feel accomplished (yikes). Bored is me right now in  this hospital bed watching all the cars driving on the rode outside wondering where they are going in such a hurry.  I have found TIME something we all feel is so out of our reach.  I have time, LOTS of time and know what it sorta SUCK lol.  I'm blessed to have modern medicine and also hours and hours of technology at my fingertips.  P.S. I am 29 weeks and 4 days.  Baby Louie looks amazing on all the NST (non-stress tests) they do and so this momma gets to sit here and continue to be bored, which of course is a blessing, (just a really boring blessing)

Hotel Hospital

Today is my 12th day in the hospital.  Jake brought the kids to see me.  They always lighten my mood and make me smile.  I feel complete with them here but it makes my heart long to be with them in our home.  When it was time to leave Addy cried and held out her arms for me to hold her.  Part of me spirit slumped knowing she was sad and part of it lifted knowing she missed me.  I have prayed and hoped that my beautiful children will survive this time apart.  Survive and thrive through it and yet I long for them to need me.  I miss them so much while I sit here alone.  I think about what they are eating for lunch or hope they are getting their naps.  Hoping things are getting done for them that only I know about them, like how Addy loved oranges and could eat them all day or how Frank with take a nap if you lay down with him and play with his hair.  These are the mommy moments I'm sitting here longing for. Wishing I could snuggle them whenever I want.  I am blessed that I have family.  Family that are supportive and capable.  They fill in the holes I'm sure I've left.  They love my children and I know that while I'm away their arms are open and loving.  Their homes are welcoming and loving.  I am now 29 weeks and 3 days so we are making progress and each day with us together is one less day I will have to spend away from my precious baby while he stays in the NICU so for now I'll take the terrible T.V. then poor excuse for food and the loneliness I feel to know that my baby is safe and growing.
I am thankful for the prayers I feel and the support we have received.

28 Weeks

My water broke 2 days ago.  I was laying in bed and suddenly knew I had peed my little pants, I hadn't of course, it was my water breaking.  Eventually I thought it was a good idea to just get checked out and see if everything was ok.  I headed to Orem Community Hospital and they confirmed that it has broken and I was heading to UVRMC because they have an amazing NICU which I would be needing. 
I have been so overwhelmed.  Not quite sure how to take in all the information I have received over the last couple days.  the deal is I'm having this baby sooner then I want sooner then I should which means he will be spending time in the Neonatal ICU or NICU.  I'm only 28 weeks so this little guy is about 2 pounds right now and if he were born now he would not be able to suck, so he will be on a feeding tube.  He will have problems breathing on his own so he will be on oxygen and I'm sure a few other machines. 

This is a baby at 28 weeks old

Luckily I haven't been contracting and so the doctors feel like he can stay inside my body and cook for as long as possible.  They will deliver no matter what at 34 weeks because by then the risk of infection is greater then the risks to the baby being outside my body. I'm praying everyday my body can keep this baby safe and he will stay where he needs to be.  Right now there is no infection for either of us and even though he is swimming in VERY little fluid babies can replenish their amniotic fluid that he can maintain enough for him to breath in.  I can feel him moving so that is a constant comfort.
I am terrified if I'm being honest. Not knowing what is going to happen is lonely.  Jake is amazing but his body isn't doing this mine is. What if my body decides to become infected and won't hold my little baby inside anymore.  I will lay in this terrible hospital bed for all 6 weeks if he will have me.  Franklin was born at 41 weeks and was 8 lbs 15 oz. and Adelaide was 39 weeks and weighted 7 lbs 12 oz. this is not what I am used to at all.  My sisters have both had preemie babies so I have some understanding about what my future will be like at the hospital which makes me so grateful.
I am eternally thankful for my testimony in eternal families, my loving Heavenly Father, my incredible earthly family, friends who have stepped up to help and the movement I feel in my belly.
I know I am in a hospital that I have seen do amazing things with the tiniest babies.  My prayers are strong enough they are passionate enough but it is gods will.  I will do all I can and then give it to him.  
I love you baby Louie! I have been waiting for you and I have been just as impatient to meet you as it seems you are to meet me.  Please stay strong and continue to grow.  Feel free to have a dance party all day so I can know you are there.  
Julie Jean

3 Years

Remember when this happened?  

I do cause it was the best day of my life!  Sure Jake and I got married 4 years ago on May 24th but then one year later we took this sweet baby to the temple with us and we ALL became a forever family.  Tomorrow is my birthday and our 3 year anniversary of our amazing day.  You can't even imagine how handsome my husband looked on the day he was sealed to me for eternity.  Then of course when they brought my beautiful baby boy into my and held him next to us.  I held him after we were done and couldn't let him go.  He was so beautiful.  

I am so happy to celebrate this amazing anniversary with Jacob Ben, Franklin Ben and Adelaide Jean and of course our new little baby in the tummy! 

Jake, I love you! Thank you for your patience, your kind words and your amazing kisses! I miss you when your at work and love when you cuddle me and watch the history channel.  

Franklin, My dreams came true when you came into my life! You are so smart and funny.  I love spending time with you and talking to you about your life and all the things you love and hate.  I love when you laugh and when you say "is that right mom?" or "she just pissed me off mom!" (Frank that is a naughty word that mom should never say! Thank you for being my practice dummy and doing it with patience you are kind and loving and I think you are amazing!

Little Addy:  You are the most beautiful little girl I have ever met!  I can't believe how smart and clever you are.  You know just what you want and you are so determined at everything you do.  You love freely and give hugs to everyone but mostly to ME which just makes my days.  I love your blue eyes and you silly laugh and how cute your voice is! You have the most expressive face and you love to engage with me and tell me stories. 

Little Bean:  I just started feeling you move! I know you are there and getting bigger so you can make your arrival and be big and strong!  We love you and I can't wait to meet you.

There is nothing more precious then the gift my Heavenly Father has given to me to be with my family forever.  I want to always prove faithful of the covenants I have made so I can be with my Heavenly Father and my Handsome husband and Beautiful children. 

 

And baby makes 3!

Or in our case 5! There will be 3 Suazo babies and 2 Suazo parents! Today husband and I went to the doctor and had "the" ultra sound where they tell you boy or girl.  We are having a BOY! I am so excited. For us this is the perfect combination.  I like that Addy just might be our only girl and Frank will be a big brother.  I am so happy to have this baby and snuggle my little newborn.  Oct. 25th is our due date.  I can't believe we are adding another baby and our babies are growing up so much. Addy talks so much now she loves saying yes and no but she has mastered some other words. Hot dog and thank you are my personal favorites.  She says it like this "dant do" She is so very fussy about how she likes things.  Her jackets always have to buttoned up and she loved SHOES.  She loves to cuddle her mom and carry around her baby doll.  He really loves babies, the other day her cousin was in my arms and Addy sat with me for 10 mins and held him with me.  This kid normally can't sit still for more then 2 minutes.  Frank has become quite the charmer.  He knows just what to say to get out of trouble.  I will tell him to take a time out and he says, "but I was just going to say I'm sorry."  His prayers are to die for, "Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for the day.  When we wake up in the morning, name of Jesus Christ amen!"  The other day we were leaving church and he saw of picture of Heavenly Father and Jesus and pointed to it and told me, "Look mom, Jesus's!"  i corrected him telling him it was Heavenly Father and Jesus and he looked at me and said, "Yeah Jesus's!"  When I asked him who we say our prayers to he paused and then responded proudly, "Nephi!"  Then finally we were laying in bed together and there was a picture of Christ on the wall with his hand stretched out and I asked Frank if he knew what Christ had done for us and his answer was magical.  He said, " Yes, he said hello it's nice to meet you.  I was scared and he said don't be scared it's nice to meet you and I said, Hi my name is Frank and it's nice to meet you!"  I could go on and on but I'm tired and need to catch up on other things so THANKS AND LOVE!

Lifes Update!

So I am a stay at home mom, like a for real stay at home mom.  From sun up to bedtime (and sometimes in between) I am known as MOM!  By definition this title affords me the opportunity to play many roles.  Housekeeper, cook, teacher, mentor, dresser, professional organizer and a lot of other things.  Now I must be honest, I'm not so sure I'm all that great and ANY of these things.  My house has laundry on the floor right now that my kids are using to practice their jumping skills.  Dinner was lacking a salad and Frank is chilling in undies since he spilled dinner all over himself.  I'm not crafty and I stink at playtime but I have come to love some of my new personality traits I've adopted or revived since becoming a TIRED mom.  I am loving! Incredibly able to hug and kiss my kids until their faces fall off.  Doesn't mean I don't get incredible unloving but I say I love you all the time and I am constantly feel overwhelmed by my love for my children.  I am a good cook.  I don't always make dinner BUT when I do it is yummy and people like to eat it ;)  I am happy.  I like to be with my kids and enjoy my time as a mom.  Now the tricky part for me is how to structure my time wisely so that I get ANYTHING done.  I feel so lazy when no one is telling me where to go or risking a grade if I don't attend my class today.  This is life and I'm my own boss and I got to tell you I'm not very bossy! I need help! How do you motivate yourself to exercise and clean the stuff you don't ever clean?  How do you motivate yourself to create a home of loveliness when it might just need to be a house that is livable?  What to do.